Challenging behaviors like biting, hitting, tantrums, and yes, even the dreaded whiiiiiiining, are all very common in young children. As frustrating as these behaviors may be, most of the time they are totally normal for your child’s development
“Tantrums, aggression, and other challenging behaviors are all part of growing up,” Christie Pinheiro, Vivvi’s Director of Campus Operations, said. “These behaviors that we see as so frustrating are often just your child’s way of expressing themselves or communicating their needs. We work hard at Vivvi to help young children learn to communicate effectively.”
In this article, we’ll explore the reasons young children often display these challenging behaviors and provide strategies for managing these behaviors in a positive and effective way.
Why young children act out
There are a lot of reasons why your child may be hitting, biting, or throwing the world’s most epic tantrums, and figuring out why the behavior is happening in the first place is key in helping correct challenging behaviors.
Most challenging behaviors come from your child not yet knowing how to recognize or manage their feelings, or express themselves and their needs. Here are some common triggers for challenging behaviors:
- Your child is trying to get a real need met. Challenging behaviors often appear when children are hungry, tired, frustrated, stressed, or even bored because they have an immediate need (food, sleep, hug) but do not know how to tell you.
- Your child wants your attention. Sometimes it’s as simple as a desire for undivided time. “When you get home, instead of rushing to check the mail and get dinner ready, sit down with your child, read a book, cuddle, and talk about the day,” suggests Penn State’s Better Kid Care. “The rest of the day will go better, with your child much more content to let you go and do what you need to do.”
- Your child is stressed. Often children express stress or strong emotions through challenging behaviors. Most children find change, even positive change, to be stressful. For many of us, changes are unavoidable, and in fact, they’re often a real part of family life. But since children thrive on routine, any changes to that routine can cause your child to create an uptick in challenging behaviors.
Responding to Challenging Behaviors
You can’t always control what your toddler does, but you can control how you respond. Remembering that these challenging behaviors are often our child’s way of letting us know they need something can help you stay calm—even when they’re rolling on the floor at Target.
1. Stay Calm and in Control
First things first, stay calm. When your child’s acting up, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and lose your cool. But staying calm will help you think more clearly and respond in a way that’s helpful for both you and your child. Take a few deep breaths and try to understand why your child is behaving the way they are.
2. Identify the Trigger
Once you have calmed down, try to identify the trigger that caused your child to act out. Was your child tired, hungry, overstimulated, or frustrated? What’s bugging them? What do they need from you? Sometimes you may be able to head off a challenging behavior by avoiding that trigger (commuter snacks for the hangry meltdown win!). Other times, your child just needs a little understanding and empathy.
3. Set Clear Rules
While it’s important to listen to your child, you also need to set some limits and boundaries. Let them know what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not. When they cross the line, stay consistent with those boundaries and follow through with logical consequences.
Consequences may be different from family to family; maybe the consequence for drawing on the wall is helping to clean it up or maybe it’s a time out so your child can calm down and reflect. But whatever your boundaries and consequences are, stick to them. Being lax will blur lines for your children.
4. Use Positive Reinforcement
This is a biggie. When your child behaves well, be sure to praise them and offer positive reinforcement. This will help them to learn what behaviors are desired and will encourage them to continue behaving well. Thumbs up or high-fives go a long way; positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for encouraging good behavior.
5. Consider the Pros and Cons of Time-Outs
For some families, time-outs can be an effective way to teach your young child what is and is not okay to do. Giving your young child a time-out will give them a chance to calm down and reflect on their behavior.
For others, time-outs can feel like punishment through isolation, which might not teach children how to handle emotions, resolve conflicts or address the underlying causes of the behavior—and provide alternative solutions.
At Vivvi, we believe that effective discipline is about teaching and guiding children rather than punishing them. Strategies should aim to help children understand the impact of their behavior, develop self-regulation skills, and learn to make better choices in the future. Tailoring discipline strategies to the individual child’s needs and temperament is also crucial for their development and well-being.
6. Step in When Safety is at Risk
Handling behaviors that are not just challenging but also dangerous requires immediate and decisive action to ensure safety. If a child’s behavior poses a significant risk—like biting or hitting another child, or running away—behavior redirection may not be an option, and immediate intervention is necessary. Once your child, and any others around them, are safe and calm, discuss why biting or hitting is harmful and teach them alternative ways to express their feelings, such as using words or seeking help from an adult.
7. Know When to Get Help
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not making any progress on the challenging behavior front, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand the root of the problem and develop strategies for dealing with the behavior.
Challenging behaviors are a normal part of childhood, but they don’t have to be a nightmare. You can help your child learn to manage their emotions and behaviors in a healthy way.
Vivvi provides child care and early learning for children ages 0-5, with unrivaled flexibility that works for today’s families. Our inquiry-based curriculum is facilitated by warm, experienced teachers in bright, open spaces that let children make big connections to the growing world around them. Find your nearest Vivvi here.